Ten Sure Signs of Amateur Writing

New authors tend to be like happy families in a Tolstoy novel; they are remarkably similar.

There are certain mistakes that almost all beginners make. These things aren't necessarily incorrect, but they can hinder smooth storytelling and make it easy for professionals (and readers) to spot a novice writer.

As an editor, I see the same issues in almost every new author's work - the very mistakes I made when I was starting out.

It's possible that some of these patterns come from imitating the classics; novels from the days of Dickens and Tolstoy were savored during long winter or summer days when there was plenty of time.

Detailed descriptions could transport readers to exotic lands or into the homes of the wealthy or poor, places they wouldn't normally have access to.

Plus, books were expensive back then, so readers didn't mind flipping back and forth to figure out if certain characters were the same person, or diving into lengthy descriptions and philosophical musings before finding out what happened in the end.

But in today's electronic age, this doesn't hold up as well. Readers have endless options at their fingertips, and if a book bores them or confuses them for even a moment, they're likely to click away and find something else to read.

Whether you plan on querying agents and editors or self-publishing, it's important to write for modern readers - which means "leaving out the parts they skip."

Agents and readers don't want to slog through a practice novel; they want polished work right off the bat.

Every beginner makes mistakes.   Falling and making a mess is part of the learning process. But that doesn't mean you have to display your mess to the world, especially with the ease of electronic self-publishing nowadays.

Learn to write well before sharing your work with others. Here are some common signs that a writer is still in the learning phase of their career. And let's remember, learning to write takes just as much time as it did before the electronic age.

1) Show-off prose

While eloquent and detailed descriptions may earn praise from teachers and writing groups, they can turn off paying readers who are looking for an interesting story.

As a novelist, it's important to prioritize the reader's enjoyment over your own ego. After all, the reader is not there to fulfill the needs of the writer; they want to be entertained. It's essential to provide a strong narrative first before adding in any embellishments. And while it may seem impressive to start each chapter with a Latin quote or reference literary works like Ulysses or In Search of Lost Time, unless it serves a purpose in the story, it will probably just annoy readers.

Ultimately, readers want to be entertained, not quizzed on their knowledge of classic literature. As an author, I learned this lesson myself when I originally titled every chapter of my book The Destiny of Angels with spiritual quotes - no one seemed to care.

2) Head-hopping

For new writers, mastering a point of view can be quite challenging. An omniscient point of view is especially difficult to execute well, often leading to confusion for the reader.

Many beginners gravitate towards this style because they have not yet learned how to show multiple characters' actions through the perspective of the protagonist.

However, it's important to note that third person-limited narration, where the reader only has access to the protagonist's thoughts and feelings, is the standard in modern fiction (with first person being a close second in YA).

Using any other point of view requires exceptional writing skills, as it can easily leave readers feeling confused and frustrated. It may also reveal you as a novice writer.

3) Episodic storytelling

Almost every writer struggles with this issue in their first novel, and I was no exception.

I could never seem to reach a satisfying ending because my novel didn't have a singular plot. Instead, it felt more like a series of connected episodes, like an old-fashioned TV show without a season-long story arc.

Even critique groups often miss this problem if each episode has its own dramatic arc.

But every piece of storytelling must have an inciting incident that kick starts ALL the action and leads to a fulfilling resolution at the end. This is known as the story arc.

Without a strong story arc, you don't have a novel; you have a collection of linked stories or vignettes. And while that may be enjoyable for some readers, most novel readers crave one overarching question that drives them through the pages until the very end.

4) Info-dumps and “As you Know Bob” conversation

It's easy to spot an amateur writer when the first few pages of their book are filled with exposition. They have a habit of telling us too much information at once - names, appearances, occupations, and backstories - before any real action begins.

A skilled writer knows how to drip-feed this background information slowly while keeping us engaged in scenes full of tension and conflict. Another tell-tale sign is when characters engage in unnatural conversations that are clearly intended for the reader's benefit.

These "as-you-know-Bob" moments feel forced and unrealistic - like when someone says, "As you know, Bob, we're here investigating the death of Mrs. Gilhooley, the 60-year-old librarian who was possibly poisoned by Ambrose Wiley on August third."

It's insulting to assume Bob doesn't already know why he's there; he's a forensics expert, not someone with memory loss. This kind of dialogue may work on TV shows like CSI, but in real life, it just wouldn't happen.

5) Mundane dialogue and transitional scenes that don’t further the action.

Small talk and mundane conversations may add a touch of realism, but they can also bore readers if they do not advance the plot.

As bestselling author James Patterson notes, "realism is overrated." Readers are more interested in the exciting parts of a story, so it's important to skip the mundane details.

This includes things like traveling from one location to another or lengthy meetings where decisions are made after tedious discussions. Instead of showing every single moment, it's better to give an overview and move on to the next scene. A simple break on the page can transition readers to the next important event.

6) Tom Swifties and too many dialogue tags

Writers who try to avoid using the word "said" often end up in cheesy territory, as shown in the classic example from old "Tom Swift" boys' books: "'We must run,' exclaimed Tom swiftly."

This style of dialogue was turned into a silly game in the 1960s, promoted by Time Magazine, which invited readers to submit their own ridiculous "Tom Swifties," such as "'Careful with that chainsaw,' Tom said offhandedly."

Unfortunately, this type of bad dialogue may have been ingrained in us from an early age because of these popular book series. While they were enjoyable reads, they were written quickly and with little thought, resulting in lackluster prose. Using "said" as a dialogue tag is practically invisible to readers.

Any other choice draws attention away from the dialogue itself. Often, dialogue tags can be eliminated, allowing the characters to speak first and then act separately. A less-than-stellar example would be: "'We must run," exclaimed Tom swiftly.'

A slight improvement would be: "'We must run!' said Tom as he sprinted ahead.  However, the best option is simply to write: "'We must run!' Tom sprinted ahead."

7) Mary Sues

A Mary Sue is a character who’s a stand-in for the writer’s idealized self, which makes the story a wish-fulfillment fantasy for the author, but a snooze for the reader.

Mary Sue is beautiful. Everybody loves her. She always saves the day. She has no faults. Except she’s boring and completely unbelievable.

8) Imprecise word usage and incorrect spelling and grammar

Unfortunately, agents and readers are not like your third-grade teacher who would give you a gold star just to boost your self-esteem.

In the publishing industry, proper spelling, and grammar are crucial because words are our tools.

If you struggle with knowing the differences between words like "lie" and "lay," or "aesthetic" and "ascetic," or if you use apostrophes without following grammatical rules, it's important to find someone who can help you with these issues before self-publishing or sending your manuscript to an agent.

No one will give you a break simply because it's your first novel; in fact, practice novels should be kept in a drawer rather than entering the marketplace. Readers who invest their time and money in your book deserve a professional product.

While electronic grammar checks can be helpful, they cannot catch everything, and sometimes they make mistakes. It's worth investing in a grammar book or taking an online course to improve your skills, especially if writing is going to be your career. Even with a superb editor, there is only so much that can be fixed after the fact.

9) Clichéd openings

Experienced readers, such as agents and editors, have seen common writing techniques so often that they immediately lose interest.

Even if the idea is good. The problem arises when multiple people have had the same genius idea before you.

One of the most overused cliches is the "alarm clock" opening - where the protagonist wakes up. This is a favorite among beginner writers, regardless of whether it's a short story, novel, or script.

There's even a comical video from Script Cops on this topic that states, "78% of all student films begin with an alarm clock going off."

Other openings that have been done too many times include:

·       weather reports (keep it short and simple),

·       traveling scenes (get to the real story),

·       funerals (if used, add a fresh perspective),

·       dreams (don't mislead readers),

·       conditional perfect phrases ("If only I knew..."),

·       personal introductions (avoid starting with "my name is..."),

·       group activities (introduce characters gradually),

·       internal monologues (save backstory for later),

·       protagonists describing themselves in mirrors (use minimal physical descriptions and let readers imagine), and excessive action scenes without character development.

While it's possible to use these openings cleverly, they are often considered warning signs to readers and may cause them to not continue reading your otherwise marvelous story.

10) Wordiness

The length of a book can be a source of concern for agents and publishers. New writers often use One Hundred words to convey what experienced authors can say in just Ten.

If your writing is burdened with excessive adjectives and adverbs or too much detail and repetitive scenes, you may lose readers' interest.

Remember, a novel is a contract between writer and reader; if you focus solely on fulfilling your own needs, rather than those of the reader, you break that contract, and they will feel unsatisfied.

It's important to have at least two manuscripts ready before pursuing a writing career. So don't worry about marketing just yet - enjoy writing and keep learning from books on craft.

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